The World Without Vampires

Kyle A. Massa
4 min readAug 16, 2024

You may love them, you may hate them, but either way, I’m sure you know all about vampires. In today’s edition of “ The World Without,” we’ll examine life in their absence. So, i n a world without vampires…

…There Would Be Fewer Great Basketball Players

But why is that, Kyle? you must be wondering. What do basketball players and vampires have in common?

Don’t ask me. Ask my mom and sister.

When I was in high school, Mom and Emily watched a series called Moonlight. The premise: A vampire with the unlikely name of Mick St. John works as a private investigator somewhere. (Chicago, maybe? It definitely wasn’t Transylvania.) They didn’t actually like the show-they just thought it was hilariously bad. I agreed.

In one episode, Mick St. John finds himself in a college gymnasium, where he splashes several no-look half-court shots, which he can do because he’s a vampire, I guess.

So. If we’re to believe the vampire mythology of Moonlight, does that mean all our greatest basketball players are, in fact, vampires? It would explain LeBron’s agelessness…

…Transylvania Would Lose A Cultural Calling Card

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Kyle A. Massa
Kyle A. Massa

Written by Kyle A. Massa

A comedy author living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife, their daughter, and three wild animals.

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